Who Have You Discovered Under Quarantine?
Life under lock down has made me aware of so many self intricacies. You get so lost in the everyday, that you don’t have time to notice the little things about yourself — like the way a hot shower changes your entire morning, no matter what side of the bed you wake up on. You learn about the hobbies you’ve been too broke to afford, and the sacrifices you’d make to start them. You realize how the people in your life have made you, how they have broken you, how they have helped you stay afloat, and you become grateful for it all.
I have been quite unhappy the past few months, for many reasons. Being home with nothing to do but work, worry, eat, and sleep — it’s helping me heal. I feel so privileged even writing this sentence, but I’m working on saying how I really feel. I don’t write, because I fear feeling.
I remember when I first started putting my words on the internet — I felt fucking relief. And now, I cower behind my keyboard saving everything I create for myself. “It isn’t art, this entire piece you’ve been rambling, no one wants to read this, you act as if you’re writing to someone who cares.” So many critical thoughts that I shouldn’t give a shit about.
I write for myself. I write to heal, and to free my soul from the thoughts that would otherwise keep circling around my mind. I write, because maybe there is someone out there who wants to read my thoughts. And while we’re all quarantined in our own spaces, I will continue writing to free myself from the fear of being heard. How fucking toxic, yet I smile because at least now I can acknowledge this.
I can see the ways in which I’m toxic to myself, sometimes to others, but even more so I can see the way I have accepted toxicity from others, and I can move beyond it.
Have you discovered someone new within yourself under quarantine?
