Thoughts for People Who Think Too Much
“she had changed so much in her thoughts, in her ways, even in her looks, that she might wonder [ if ] she knew herself ― except that the changes were all in the direction of becoming more and more herself”
Willa Cather
If you must know anything about me, know that I love to make lists. Any kind, any length, and for any reason. Today I have written a list for those who struggle to shake the weight of social norms. To Be Carefree.
For those with the shit-shy’s (or other social anxieties)
If you cannot handle a situation alone, use a tool to make the occasion more bearable. I’m not suggesting that you use your phone as a crutch, but prepare yourself with reassuring items. (Paranoid you’ll be caught with shit on your face? Carry a mirror.) Comfort leads to confidence, which helps to conquer fears.
We’re all human, we all make mistakes, and we all poop. In a worst case scenario, remember that strangers are people too. They have their own fears. Most will not notice nor will they care. If they do, they have a choice to react like decent humans, and either help or ignore. Should they choose to judge, the second hand embarrassment becomes theirs to keep. Their thoughts are not your problem.
For the unconventional friends
Relationships are weird. Who’s to dictate their development or enforce a behavioral standard? At the end of the day, your relations with another person are defined by you and that other person. Your individual boundaries, shared feelings, and informed decisions contextualize your relationship, not another person’s definition.
Snuggles, secrets, and sex, do not a romance make. So go ahead: live your life, and define your bonds along the way.
Finally, for those struggling to accept and express love in a non-romantic relationship, there’s a word for your feelings. Are you ready? Say it with me, Platonic Love.
For anyone stuck in a sea of clones
Continue to thrive regardless. There will be people who shun “abnormality” because they feel the need to conform. This mindset sucks. it fosters negative energy, and attacks people who have gathered the courage to do their own thing. Avoid the clones before they change you.
Another fun personality: Pushers. These people share their unsolicited projections, judgements, and fears, forcing neighboring bodies to weather their storm. They latch on and don’t let go until you’re as miserable as they have become. Personally, I have a habit of clipping thorns as I grow, which some find brutish. But I try to be nice! Ultimately, I’m not here to soothe miserable souls and they aren’t seeking solace. This makes for an unfortunate disconnect.
If you are surrounded by pushers and judgmental clones, remember that perseverance builds character. As you grow, you will thrive and they will be left in the dust.
For an outsider
This is a continuation of my previous point, but it’s reassurance nonetheless. Some of us stick out like a sore thumb. What’s important to remember is it’s all situational. Somewhere out there, exists a group of people just like you. No matter how different you may seem, those characteristics that alienate you from one group, will allow you to fit in with another. Through our differences, we find we are the same.
Do not allow shitty generalizations and judgments to keep you from embracing your being. Everyone approaches life differently which makes sense seeing as we’re each individual entities. Live as you please and do what feels right. You’ll be fine.
Summarizing points:
- You do not owe your time or energy to anyone
- You are not required to share yourself with others for their own convenience
- You have the power to control who you want to have in your life
- You do not have to apologize for your actions (to be reconsidered if you’re the screw-up)
Now, I leave you with the first installation of a three-part post on becoming self. I have struggled with all of the above to some degree, so I am advising from personal experience. Partially. For the rest, I assume an aspirational role: advice to my irrational self from my intellectual self, since I continue to tackle these thoughts each day.
The point is to keep trying. There is always room for growth and to share a note of truth, the best person to please is yourself.
Farewell for now. Xx
Ash
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